I definitely needed this Sunday. It was the first Sunday in a month that Mike and I had been able to go to church in our home ward, and wow, did I miss it. A little personal introspection: Lately I've felt like I've been floating around, not sure of myself. End-of-the-year substituting had its ups and downs; I've applied to every English teacher position I can find that I'd be willing to commute to; I'm branching out and applying to work other places; etc. etc. and I find myself asking: So, what the heck am I supposed to be doing with my life right now?

This is my first summer without work in a long time. I've usually had something to do every weekday that was work-related, but not this summer. A teacher's vacation, imagine that. However, I'm not good at relaxing. It also dawned on me how randomly out-of-touch I felt with church the other day. I know my beliefs and I love them, but since I hadn't been to my home ward, I definitely felt way off. I hit a big rut yesterday when we tried to go to the beach but couldn't find a parking spot, and Maya puked in the car - and no, it didn't smell like puke. It smelled like something that should have come out the other end. I was tired of her being sick and just wanted her to get better (she is, by the way - more "regular" thanks to a de-wormer), and felt like my days lacked meaning - and it's only week one of summer vacation for me.

Sunday couldn't have come any sooner. I realized many things that I knew, but I needed to hear and reaffirm within myself in order to feed my spirit. I'll share with you a few of those things here (though some are more personal and I'll keep those to myself):

I watched the latest Saturday morning session of General Conference. Elder Eyring (his talk is below) always speaks on topics that are deep within my heart, and the other talks were very good too.


"If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest as well as the easiest times in life can be a blessing. In all conditions, we can choose the right with the guidance of the Spirit. We have the gospel of Jesus Christ to shape and guide our lives if we choose it. And with prophets revealing to us our place in the plan of salvation, we can live with perfect hope and a feeling of peace. We never need to feel that we are alone or unloved in the Lord’s service because we never are. We can feel the love of God. The Savior has promised angels on our left and our right to bear us up.10 And He always keeps His word." Elder Henry B. Eyring, 2012


The Bishop's wife gave a lesson in Relief Society on missionary work. I love when she teaches because she puts herself into her lessons and it usually makes me cry. Part of the quote she had me read:

"We cannot receive the beneficent favor of our Heavenly Father that is bestowed upon us, the knowledge of eternal life, and selfishly retain it, thinking that we may be blessed thereby. It is not what we receive that enriches our lives, it is what we give.” Elder Spencer W. Kimball, 1935

This quote, in combination with this month's Ensign magazine's visiting teaching message, really hit me. I know I have my own struggles, I think about them enough. I thought that by offering up my time to serve in the church, it'd help fill up my summer a bit more, not to mention be a great use of my time - so I messaged the RS president and one of my friends in the ward to keep their ears open for me and let me know if they need me to do anything.


Knowing myself to be an impatient person, I also know that I need the Gospel to help stay calm and keep my head while practicing patience.

"So what kind of waiting was Isaiah describing? The Hebrew word translated as wait also means “hope for” and “anticipate” (Isaiah 40:31, footnote a)." "The same amount of time will pass whether I am squandering it in anger and impatience or using it to serve the Lord and His children. Choosing to “wait upon the Lord”—or viewed another way, to serve Him—yields far more satisfying results." Christy Nielson (article HERE).

I'm praying more, reading more, and I'm spending my Sundays more whole-heartedly on Gospel activities. I fasted today and it was easy to sacrifice because I was happy to do it. I love, love, love the Lord and am so glad He knows me so well.

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